Taking Care versus Caretaking

Grief

A heaviness in the chest. A tiredness in the soul. It's as if I have been carrying around a "heavy" belief system, a burden of thinking and it has been magically lifted, taken away. In its place however there is a sense of void or a whole in my being. The chracteristic or belief, I'm not sure which this time, has been freed from my bondage of self. I am now experiencing the effects of this lack of protection, feeling the absence of protection. I am sensing a deeper vulnerability, a deeper humility and a deeper appreciation for my fellow human beings. I am feeling the fragility of the self.

As I say, I don't know what exactly has died, or been removed in order for me to be of greater use to humanity. I will say I have become so familiar with this feeling/experience of grief, I have had to befriend it so often over the years that I know the intimate smell of its sad-sweet perfume.

In the book Tuesdays with Morrie, the main character Morrie says something to the effect that any feeling one has, one should feel deeply. Feel it fully. Feel it for as long as it needs to be felt so that in future you will have no doubt to the exact feeling you are experiencing. We must come to not ony become aware of what we feel, but we need to then accurately name what it is we're feeling so as to communicate better to our fellow humans.

All of spiritual development is about loss and therefore grief. In this work it is never about what more we can grasp or hold or attain, rather it is about how much we can let go of, relinquish or release.

I now simply embrace the grief until it has finished carving out its desires shape within me. I am the clay, the Universal energy the sculptor.